


i know you

by LilacsAndLilies



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s01e08 The Beginning of the End, Fluff, Getting Together, I wrote this like a month ago, M/M, Magic Revealed, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), tagging after a month is a terrible idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:08:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26483179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilacsAndLilies/pseuds/LilacsAndLilies
Summary: "I've been in here since almost as soon as you came in." His nonchalant voice only made Merlin feel worse. Arthur had probably already decided his method of death- straight to the pyre. He failed his destiny, failed everyone.  "Speaking of which, if you're both going to discuss treason, at least make sure no one else can hear you."
Relationships: Merlin & Mordred (Merlin), Merlin & Morgana (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Mordred & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Mordred & Morgana (Merlin)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 301
Collections: Merthur Fics





	i know you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lira169](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lira169/gifts).



> Happy Birthday!!!!! I hope you enjoy this and have a wonderful rest of the day!

Merlin took his time in making it back to Morgana’s chambers after Cerdan’s execution. He had run out almost as soon as the execution was over, and no matter how hard he tried to focus on his job, his mind kept running back to that image, kept trying to picture himself or Gaius or Morgana or the boy on the chopping block. Gaius’s warnings hadn’t helped there, and his fears only grew, making him jumpy and terrified.

“How is he?”

Morgana ushered him inside. “He's sleeping. He's very pale. I worry he may have lost a lot of blood.”

Merlin looked around, noting that Gwen once again wasn’t present. She must have gone out to do her work. “Has he said anything at all?”

“Nothing. He won't even tell me his name.” Morgana had a solemn look on her face as she responded. 

The image of one of them being executed flashed through his head again. He needed to lift the seriousness wafting over them. “You know, er, for a moment there earlier, I- I thought you were going to hand us over to the guards.”

Morgana spun on her heel, giving Merlin a deadpan look. “I'm glad you have so much faith in me, Merlin.”

Ok, maybe not the right thing to say. “No, no, sorry. Erm, I meant, you're the King's ward. You're taking a huge risk helping him.” The  _ and helping me _ went unsaid. 

Her voice was unwavering as she said, “I wouldn't see an innocent child executed. What harm has he ever done anyone?” 

“Uther believes he has magic, and that makes him guilty.” It took all of Merlin’s strength not to let bitterness seep into his voice. Gaius was right, he was growing too lax. He looked at the boy. Who could want to kill him for what he was born with? 

“Uther’s wrong.”

Merlin’s head snapped up. “You believe that?” 

She kept glancing between the boy and Merlin and Merlin realized she was afraid Merlin would tell on her or him or both of them. He almost would have been offended if she didn’t look so worried. At least it meant his secret was safe.

Morgana slowly began to speak, her words filled with fear and hesitation and revelation and anticipation, the emotions swirling together. “What if magic isn't something you choose? What if it chooses you?”

Merlin froze. 12 little words and Morgana had shattered him. He could already feel his lips making the words to tell her, to finally have someone who  _ understood _ . Gaius was great, but he was too cautious, always pointing out the flaws. He just wanted to have someone else. He just wanted to feel a little less alone in the ever bustling castle.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” 

And with that the moment burst. “Nothing.” Merlin snapped his mouth shut. What was he thinking? He couldn’t tell anyone. Even sympathizers turn to enemies, and this was still the king’s ward.  _ Keep the magic secret. _

“Why are you helping him?”

But this was Morgana. Morgana who cared too much about her people, who only ever wanted to help, Morgana who had always spoken for more leniency, who stood up to Uther time and time again. Morgana who believed in doing the right thing and damn the consequences, who was  _ definitely _ a seer and might even have magic. How could he just sit there and lie to her when he knew she would never betray him? 

His mind was spinning and his mouth moved of its own accord. “Because we’re the same.”

Morgana jolted. “What do you mean?” 

"I helped him because- because he asked me to, telepathically." Merlin squeezed his eyes shut for a second, not wanting to see the reaction on Morgana's face. 

"Merlin. You can't possibly be saying what I think you are." Morgana sounded incredulous, her mouth wide open. "Are you saying-"

"I have magic." Merlin rushed through the words, the same way you rush in ripping off a bandaid. That's what it felt like anyway. Except instead of a bandaid for a cut, it was his life hanging in the balance. The room fell quiet. "Morgana, please, say something." He waited and watched her. 

She looked straight into his eyes, trying to see if she could find some sign of a lie, of the evil that Uther always preached. Merlin hoped she found none. He didn't know if she would. He didn't know if the things he had done had stripped away the title of  _ good _ from him or not. 

He wanted to say something, wanted to assure her that he wasn’t a monster, to tell her that she was right when she said that Magic wasn't always a choice. He wanted to explain that this was never something he wanted, never something he had a say in, just a death sentence from the minute he was born. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to speak the excuses - because that was what they were - that threatened to break out. There were no excuses. 

Finally, she spoke up. "Thank you for telling me Merlin."

"You- you won't say anything?" Merlin hesitated, still half expecting her to call for the guards. 

She just gave him a half smile, repeating her words from earlier. "I'm glad you have so much faith in me Merlin." This time the sarcasm was only in half measures, equal parts an assurance of safety and promises of a secret that would be kept.

He gave her a grateful look in response. His shoulders relaxed and his jaw unclenched, both things he never realized he did. Through it all, the boy slept peacefully.

Merlin never even made it to being fully relaxed before he heard a sound- a footstep behind both of them. Morgana's eyes grew wide as they both scrambled to hide, to show some sense of propriety. Merlin turned to see Arthur standing in front of them, a dry expression on his face. "So you told her after one sentence, but you couldn't tell me?" His eyebrow quirked upward and there was an unimpressed and slightly offended expression on his face. 

Merlin felt panic rise up in his throat. Morgana was already so much, but Arthur was here too?  _ Keep the magic secret _ . Why didn’t he just listen? He never should have said anything. Now he would be carted away to be executed, and the boy would come soon after and it would all be his fault. His breath felt shallow, like he was gasping for air, every sharp intake passing a shudder through him. "How much did you hear?"

"I've been in here since almost as soon as you came in." His nonchalant voice only made Merlin feel worse. Arthur had probably already decided his method of death- straight to the pyre. He failed his destiny, failed everyone. "Speaking of which, if you're both going to discuss treason, at least make sure no one else can hear you."

Morgana stepped in front of Merlin, putting herself directly between Arthur and Merlin. The boy was behind the two of them. "I won't let you hurt him." She shifted into a defensive stance. 

Arthur sighed. "I won't hurt him. And stop being a girl's petticoat Merlin, I'm not going to execute you."

Merlin’s head was swimming. Everything was happening so suddenly. The train of excuses and reasons he had piled together suddenly fled his head, leaving it empty except for one thought. "You're not?"

Morgana didn't move. "Sorry if I don't believe you."

Arthur ignored Morgana, looking straight at Merlin. He put on a more serious look and Merlin felt like the prince was boring holes into him. “Are you an enemy of Camelot?”

“No.” Merlin shook his head, tears starting to well in his eyes. He “I’m not evil, I promise I only-”

“Have you ever used your magic to harm a citizen of Camelot?” Arthur interrupted Merlin before he could force the excuses out.

“I-”

“Let me rephrase that. Have you ever used your magic to harm an innocent citizen of Camelot?” 

“No. I’ve only ever used it to-”

“Then we’re fine here.” 

Arthur seemed to think that was all that needed to be said, which Merlin had to disagree with. He still couldn’t bring himself to stop trembling. He was sure he was dreaming, there was no way this was happening. “I- what?”

“Obviously, I want the full story later, but I think we have a more immediate concern right now.” 

“What?” Merlin hadn’t moved. He felt like he was trapped in cement that had set around him.

“I thought you being an idiot was just an act but apparently that’s real too.” He rolled his eyes.

Morgana seemed to shake out of her stupor. “You’re ok with this? With Merlin having… magic?”

Arthur nodded his head slowly, looking almost like he was talking to a small child. “I would think that’s obvious.”

“You’re not going to tell Uther or anything?” 

“I swear I will not tell my father.” 

Merlin and Morgana both let out audible sighs of relief. Morgana smiled at Arthur, a full and proper smile that Arthur didn’t think he had seen in a while. “I knew Uther hadn’t completely destroyed your morals.”

Arthur threw an offended look at Morgana. “I commit treason for Merlin and all you do is insult me?”

At the mention of his name, Merlin snapped back. The situation still hadn’t completely caught up to him, but at least his mind was no longer screaming  _ hide the magic _ and telling him to run far away. Now the only thing echoing through his head was “Why?”

Morgana moved out of the way. “I think you boys have something to talk about. I expect a report later.” She elegantly strode out of the room, her silk dress billowing behind her. Arthur looked bewildered. “What do you mean why?”

“Why are you doing this? Why aren’t you mad? Why are you accepting this so easily?” Merlin couldn’t help how fast he spoke, the words racing as if the faster he said it, the faster he could make sense of a world turned absolutely upside down. He no longer felt like he would break as easily as glass, but he wasn’t quite whole yet.

Arthur glanced over at the closed curtain that the boy was behind. Then he sighed, running a hand through his ruffled hair. He looked tired from the day’s work and in his casual attire, Merlin saw little that resembled a prince. Arthur just looked like a normal person. He took a step forward, closing the gaping space between them. “I already knew.” 

Merlin didn’t think it was possible to be more surprised, but apparently he was wrong. "When?" He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

“I think I always knew. But really, it was more a build up, the way things around you never seemed to make sense. That first day, in the marketplace.” Merlin’s eyes grew wide. “ You really don’t have any sense of self preservation do you? I thought the fight seemed a little rigged. Not that I could blame you, it’s hard to beat me.” Arthur grinned, and Merlin never thought he would have been so happy to see that self-absorbed grin on Arthur’s face. It always meant that things were ok. Or at least, they would be. “I wanted to test my theory. I-” Arthur looked down, not quite meeting Merlin’s eyes. “I gave you impossible lists of chores, and yet you seemed to finish each and every one. Then came the way you declared it to the entire court.” At that, Arthur’s previous embarrassment dissipated and he glared at Merlin. “It was impossible not to see how desperately you were telling the truth. It’s a wonder my father bought my terrible excuse.”

“I needed to save Gwen.” Merlin finally found his voice, protesting against the claims. He took a step closer. 

Arthur sighed, shaking his head. “And who would save you?”

Merlin knew the answer, but he couldn’t say it. “I’m not important.”

“Merlin.” Arthur’s voice sounded pained. “I have known you for at most, half a year. In that time, you have saved my life and Morgana’s several times over.”

“I-” Merlin didn’t know what to say. “That doesn’t change the fact that your lives are infinitely more important than mine.”

Arthur snorted, but it was clear he didn’t see anything funny with the situation. “And you wonder why I didn’t think you were evil? When you stand in front of me right now and tell me that you think your life isn’t worth as much as mine?”

Merlin didn’t want to keep talking about this. This wasn’t what he asked nor what he wanted to know. But what did he want to know? “Why aren’t you mad?”

Arthur turned away again. “As a child, I spent a lot of my time in the library, exploring the shelves in between my classes. I happened across a secret room, one full of books about magic. I was young, and the idea of a secret room only I knew of was exhilarating. I read every book I could from top to bottom, and as I did I started to realize the ugly truth about my father’s reign. I still love him, but he has been lying to the entire kingdom about magic. In those books I saw how good magic could be. How could I see people dedicating their lives to healing others and helping crops and still condemn them for something they might not even have had a say in? Since then I have never approved of the way my father dealt with magic.” His voice rang clear as he finished. 

Merlin felt the last bit of confusion drift away. Arthur genuinely didn’t hate magic? His body relaxed, tension and fear draining out of every muscle in his body. He took a deep breath, the first real breath since this conversation had started. It felt magical. For once he wasn’t afraid of calling it that. But still, a little hesitance lingered. “Why aren’t you mad?” The reasons may be different but the anger wouldn’t be. There were still lies, lies that had piled up over time. Lies that even Merlin had found himself trapped in.

“How could I be mad at you for protecting yourself against a world that wants you dead? I can accept the lies when it means you’re still here beside me. I wouldn’t have risked everything to save your life if I didn’t trust you.” Arthur looked pained by the thought of Merlin gone and Merlin couldn’t feel anything but surprise. Arthur genuinely wanted him there? Even after all of this?

“Thank you Arthur.” His voice was thick as he choked on his own welled up emotions.

“You don’t have to thank me for treating you like a human being.” Arthur took a step closer. They were close, almost too close. Merlin could reach out his hand and grab Arthur’s, but he didn’t.

“I do when the rest of the world has decided I’m a monster.” 

“You’re not a monster.” Arthur’s voice felt unyielding, as sharp as the sword he carried with him. The sword that he didn’t have with him now. Merlin had never been in danger. Not at Arthur’s hand. 

That was the last brick, the final defense to Merlin’s walls. And with that, it all came tumbling down. Merlin closed the distance between them, pulling Arthur into a hug. The tears that had been building finally let themselves out as they rushed down Merlin’s face. His breath was uneven and light as Merlin tried to stop himself. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” 

Arthur didn’t know how to respond, didn’t know how he could do anything, so all he did was hold Merlin and whisper “you’re welcome” and “I’m sorry” until the words didn’t sound like words and the tears started to fade. 

It wasn’t until Merlin had mostly returned to normal, had pulled away, flashing him a teary-eyed smile, that Arthur found the words. “I was harsh with you. More than I should have been. But it wasn’t because you had magic. It was because, well… you were the first person who didn’t treat me like a prince, you just treated me like a person. I didn’t know how to deal with that. As Morgana would say, I’m emotionally constipated.” The corner of his lips turned up at the slightly mocking sentence. 

Merlin couldn’t help but snort. There were no more tears in his eyes. 

Arthur smiled. Success. “Don’t take this to mean I’ll be nicer to you or something. You’re still an idiot and I still expect you to do all of my chores.” 

Merlin grinned. “Of course you prat.”

Morgana, of course, took that exact moment to waltz back into the room. “I assume you boys are done with your little heart to heart?”

Merlin glanced at Arthur, who looked straight back at him before they both nodded in unison.

“Good. Now let’s focus on the boy.”

* * *

In the months following Mordred’s escape, Morgana, Arthur, and Merlin had managed to visit the druid camp several times (under the pretenses of hunting trips or Morgana’s wishes to travel). While it was stilted at first, the camp soon came to welcome the group with open arms. 

The months had flown by with seer lessons for Morgana and magic lessons for both of them, after one of the druids mentioned that Morgana had magic as well. The nights were spent in a tent shared between Arthur and Merlin as Merlin regaled Arthur with tales of his magic and explanations of  _ I was born with it _ . The druids sat them both down and told them of the legends of Emrys and the Once and Future King, and after the stories of the past ran dry, the nights turned to conversations of the future, of the legends they were meant to fulfill. 

One particular night, an early one where the sun had yet to really set, Arthur propped up on his pillow, turning to face Merlin with a pensive expression on his face. “What do you think would have happened, if not for this… destiny we shared?”

“I think we would have met, even if we didn’t have this pushing us together.”

“Do you think we still would have been… friends?” He lingered on the last word, as if he was searching for something better. 

Merlin stopped fiddling in the pages of the book he was reading, putting it away and turning to face Arthur, momentarily surprised by the intensity in the blond’s eyes. “I think you’re a prat, and if it wasn’t for this I would never have agreed to being your manservant.” He watched as Arthur’s lips turned down into a frown. “But, I also think I would have found my way back eventually.” 

“Why? What would have made you stay?” There was something in Arthur’s voice that made Merlin ache. He couldn’t have Arthur believing he was only there for this idea of destiny. Not when that was the farthest thing from the truth.

“My magic, it’s for you. All of it has always been for you. Even if I wasn’t bound by some triple goddess or some fables that druids pass on through generations, it would still be for you. Camelot matters too much to me for anything else to be the case. I’m proud to serve you.” Merlin took a deep breath, hoping Arthur caught the words he didn’t say. Arthur might just be a man, but he was a prince, one who took his lands and his people as a part of himself. To say that Camelot mattered to him was the same as saying Arthur mattered to him. He just mattered too much, more than he could find the words to say.

Arthur was staring at Merlin with a look of wonder that Merlin had now seen too many times, but that he couldn’t help but feel warm anyway. No matter how often Arthur told him his magic was beautiful, he couldn’t believe the words being said. “Merlin you- the level of loyalty you show never fails to astound me. How could you have so much power and still choose to be at my side when it means you need to hide who you truly are?”

Merlin shrugged. How could he say that the hiding was a small price for being around Arthur? Regardless of the number of smiles they gave each other late at night, or the giddiness with which they thought of their shared secret, Merlin was still his manservant, his protector. That was all. He couldn’t say more, not without revealing how his dreams were filled with Arthur’s lips or how his hand always seemed to want to hold Arthur’s. “You’re my friend.”

Arthur smiled at him, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You’re my closest friend Merlin, and I do not deserve you.” 

Merlin knew he should leave it at that, but he couldn’t. “What brought this up?”

Arthur shook his head. “Nothing. Just- just something Mordred and Morgana said to me.”

Merlin laughed quietly. “They’ve become quite the pair. Mordred has taken to Morgana. She almost parents him. It’s good for both of them.” He went back to cleaning up some of the things laying around him. “What did they say?”

“Just some stuff, about us.” 

Merlin froze. “Like what?”

Arthur mumbled under his breath and Merlin could only make out the words “Morgana” and “wrong”. Before he could really process what happened, Arthur said, “Like this.” and leaned in, pressing a kiss to Merlin’s lips.

Any possible response flew out of his head as Merlin melted into Arthur’s hands, deepening the kiss. It was a while before they pulled away, all heavy breaths and warm skin. “Whatever Morgana said, I agree with her.”

Arthur’s eyes grew wide at the response, before his face slowly settled into an easy grin. “Of course you do. You’re always on her side.”

Merlin felt bubbly inside, over excited by the events that had just happened. “She’s a force to be reckoned with, I’m not going to disagree with her.”

“Well, she’ll never know, but I think I agree with her this time too.” Arthur smiled, looking over at Merlin. They two of them fell back into conversations about the future, this time far more positive, their hands intertwined as they spoke. 

Outside the tent, Morgana and Mordred stood, leaning in, bright grins on their faces. This was going to work out ok. 

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me @lilacsandlilies4 on tumblr!


End file.
